Women and Imposter Syndrome
I was recently talking with a group of women Physicians and the conversation naturally turned to work and specifically to the layers of things we have to work through to be successful business women. In my work as a mediator I explain to people that there are actually two layers of things that we are here to negotiate. First, we are negotiating the obvious issue and second, we are negotiating the feelings, emotions, and attachments around that issue. It is so important to separate the two and acknowledge them both in order to move forward and have a successful mediation. Usually we begin with navigating the emotional and psychological side of the issue because only when we lay out the motivation and feelings behind the issue, can we then talk about how to solve the actual problem.
As working women, there are layers of things we have to overcome before we can be successful in our work. Just as in my mediations, we have to address the emotional and psychological side of our barriers to success before we can address the actual steps to that success. One of these barriers that I discussed with these powerhouse women is imposter syndrome. You may not recognize what this is by its name, but most of you know the feeling. The harvard business review describes it below:
Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. They seem unable to internalize their accomplishments, however successful they are in their field. High achieving, highly successful people often suffer, so imposter syndrome doesn’t equate with low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence. In fact, some researchers have linked it with perfectionism, especially in women and among academics.
I had my first experience with Imposter syndrome right out of law school as a Prosecutor. I remember my internal self talk like it was yesterday “someone is going to find out that I didn't really pass the bar and I didnt really graduate from Law school and I shouldn't really have this job”. The problem was I did really graduate from law school and pass the Bar and earn the right to that position. So why did I feel like someone was going to find me out and send me home from work, like a child who just got away with a lie of epic proportions.
I have spoken with many strong women at the height of their game who worked their butts off to be where they are today and have had the same exact experience as I did. You know as well as I do what this internal conversation does to us. It changes our view of our own self worth, it puts women in a place where we feel indebted to whoever gave us the job we are in, because we feel like we don't deserve it. We begin our careers with a sense of indebtedness thus setting the course for our life’s work rooted and grounded in the lie that we don't deserve what we have. I like to imagine a world where my girls are taught what hurdles they will have to jump before they have to jump over them. Where older women prepare younger women to help them understand and normalize the things we experience. To reiterate to them that they don't owe anyone anything. So in case you need to hear that today, let me speak truth into your heart and mind...YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE ANYTHING. You worked your a** off to be where you are and you deserve to ask for what you want with confidence as our male counterparts so easily do.
Here is my challenge to you...tell that voice inside your head that you don't have time for the lie that it's pushing. Look yourself in the mirror, take up some space, stand tall and tell yourself “I worked hard to be where I am and I deserve to be treated with respect and equality”. It won’t work if you just do it once, but 21 days forms a habit so do it every morning for 21 days and I guarantee on the 22nd day that negative voice will be replaced with a voice of truth, setting you up for a future of success where you have the freedom to fight for what you want and what you have earned.